For Families
It is critical for the family to participate in the life of Comunità
Cenacolo during their son/daughter's time in the Community. The
foundress Sister Elvira says, "The Community is not a way for the family
to dump off their son." The primary ways of entering into this journey
are the Parents and Families Retreat Weekends and the 1st Saturday
Meetings. The retreats are held twice a year in St. Augustine, and the
1st Saturday meetings are held monthly throughout the country. When
families learn that there is a Community through which God is healing
and transforming the lives of drug addicts, they feel hope for their son
after many years of struggling against a feeling of helplessness.
Through the agony of failed efforts to save their son from the nightmare
of addiction, families are desperate, truly desperate, for help. Many
families learn of Comunità Cenacolo through a friend, priest, or family
member who visits our web site, reads an article, attends a conference,
or visits Campo della Vita in Medjugorje. Naturally, the families know
very little about the Community, because all these only can provide a
superficial and cursory base of information.
Parents and Families Retreats and First Saturday Meetings
These gatherings are an absolute necessity for family members who sincerely desire to help their son during his time in Community, as well as when he exits Community at the appointed time. The progress that an individual makes in Community is significantly affected by the family's involvement. The retreat weekends are given by the director of Comunità Cenacolo America and other members of Cenacolo. Only through attendance at these events can the family understand the ways the Community challenges, encourages, confronts, and heals. The family will begin to see how their son is living and who their son is becoming during his time in Cenacolo. Also, it is necessary for the family to learn about the struggles he may experience during his time within the Community and when he exits. The family must learn the difference between "help" that aids in their son's change and growth vs. perceived "help" that, in reality, is harmful to genuine change and development. Without attending the retreat weekends it is impossible to develop an understanding of this.
(Homilies and talks from the Festival of Life 2006 in Italy are transcribed. You may see them on the Catechesis page.)
Consequences for Not Participating
If the family does not enter into the life of the Community themselves, the family will be a hindrance, not a help, when the young man exits. The family will have one of two reactions: a pessimistic belief that he is the same "old loser" or an unrealistic idealization of the "new son." The family will not know who he is because they will only remember the drug addict, the liar, the manipulator, the thief, the user, and the exploiter. Their son will be a stranger, and they will relate and react in old ways that can be damaging. Conversely, the idealization of the son results in choices by the family that place the young man in situations which are dangerous for the particular vulnerabilities of addicts. Family action that helps a non-addict can be very harmful to an addict. It is an absolute necessity for families to learn what to do and what not to do.
Family's Parallel Journey Motivates Addict
The family's conviction that their son needs to remain in Community is a fundamental stimulus and motivator for the young man to remain committed to a difficult and arduous life, which demands many sacrifices. When the men are tempted to leave, they hesitate far more to take that action when they know of their family's involvement and participative commitment to the process. Through the retreat weekends, family members learn how to respond and handle delicate and complex situations, including premature exits. The family's attendance at the Parents and Families weekends and 1st Saturday meetings gives the young men great joy. When they enter Community, the men don't really believe that their own lives can change, and they know that their families often have lost hope, as well. Learning that their families attend the retreat weekends and the 1st Saturday meetings, the men realize that the family again believes there is hope for them and cares enough to be involved in their lives.
Families Helping Families
Family retreats and 1st Saturday meetings are an integral part of Community life through which families learn from the experience of other Community families. As they enter into the life of the Cenacolo, families come to believe again that their son can find healing. Parents who have been attending the retreats for two years or more tell about the changes in themselves from the time they attended their first Parents and Families Retreat. They speak to the new parents about their initial questions, confusion, misconceptions, struggles, resistances, and fears, as well as their new insights, feelings of trust, and personal life changes, resulting from their journey with the Community. They learn from each other's struggles, questions, failures, and pain. Through their own healing, they are able to shed the shame and guilt that has enslaved them for years. Families receive the consolation, wisdom, and healing that God provides through others, who have themselves wrestled with despair about their children, and who have gradually come to a place of hope and rejoicing.